Why?
Because life hasn't been beautiful. It hasn't been easy. It's been full of hurt and confusion and things that shouldn't happen to people who have a heart for the Lord.
Satan has been at work in the world of one of my churches. (Yes, I have more than one church. God never said you had to worship in one place.) I literally think I felt my heart break when I found out the pastor at that church was leaving...without an explanation.
The rumor mill started immediately. Hearing things and not being able to be at home was hard. A few days later, the reason came out. Talk about hard news. With that came the vacancy of a friend who had provided spiritual counselling...but also a key part in the reason the pastor was leaving. Then, more rumors.
“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
I was talking with a sweet friend about this. She admitted the same thing I think everyone had been feeling about the situation. She was selfishly sad and wanted them to stay.
selfish.
We were all being selfish. These two people had provided an understanding of what God wanted. But we were being selfish. Who says this wasn't part of God's plan.
Before you start freaking out, yes, cheating, either physical or emotional, is not part of God's plan. But...God works for the good of those who love him. For some strange reason, this is all going to work out. Maybe this was God's way of bringing someone who will work for the betterment of God's plan at this church. Maybe this was the way God was trying to tell our pastor to focus in on his family and the valley they're walking through right now. It hurts right now but we can't lose hope.
Haven't you ever had a moment when you know you need to be doing something else but you refuse to go? God is going to make you go, whether you like it or not.
Then, a dear friend of mine from home passed away unexpectedly. She was too young to be sick. Her family is too good of a family to have to go through losing a child and a sister. Her friends are good people. Why was she taken away?
Then, I turned 23. While you might not think that's bad, it's what follows that is. The day after I turned 23, I started having severe abdominal pain. I figured it was just something I ate (welcome to UVa-Wise) and waiting it out. The pain got worse. Then it snowed a freakish amount for October so I was snowed in. As the pain increased, so did my anxiety and need to seek medical attention. I was finally able to shovel my way out of Culbertson and with the help of a friend, go to the doctor...which lead me to a simple cyst on my left ovary that had ruptured. Wrong. Over the next few days, with the help of doctors at the local hospital, I discovered I had many things wrong. Oh the joy of getting older.
I came home, doped up, only to find out that I had picked up a super virus (that's what the people at the hospital called it) and was unable to be out of an arm's length of a trashcan for 5 days. FIVE. DAYS. While I was happy I got a jump start on an unexpected diet, losing 18 pounds in 5 days like that simply is not healthy. I highly recommend avoiding it.
A week after that, the person I ran into man drama. And then I started doing things to cope for being lonely. And then I got mad at myself.
I didn't understand where this valley came from. I had been doing so well. I was blessed by God. I was happy I had found an avenue to express the love and grace He shows for me. I had readers and people who cared for me that I had never met.
WHAT HAPPENED?!
In the words of a beloved narrator, "The world may never know".
Honestly, I don't want to know. All I know is I'm blindly walking around in this valley but I'm not alone. Today, a pastor from Gate City came and served communion to campus. Six women, including myself, participated. Six beautiful, strong, courageous women walked into the Chapel to profess by sharing in communion with each other. They didn't care if people saw them walking in. They didn't care what people thought about them if they had looked in the window. And those same six women decided this was something they wanted to do again.
Followers of God don't have to know what the next step is-they just have to know that if they fall, God will be there to catch them. If we need to be carried, God will hold us in His hands. When we're blind, God will shed light to show we are never alone.
God is moving in my life. I don't know where He's taking me and I don't know when I'll get there but I know I'll make it to the next place where He wants me to be.
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