Who Am I, Really? opened my eyes to a ridiculous world of exploring strengths, weaknesses, purposes, life callings, and realizing that even when I have no idea what's going on, everything that I do needs to be worshiping our Father. I'm only 22 years old but for as long as I can remember, I have been asking the who am I and why am I here questions more than once a day. Sure, there are moments of clarity. When I'm rocking a baby to sleep, when I'm providing a shoulder for a friend to cry on, when I'm laughing until there are tears streaming down my face, I know who I am and why I'm here. But those moments become memories while the darkness closes in as I'm drifting off to sleep.
Strengths come in so many forms. What may be one person's strengths is another's weaknesses. That's how the body of Christ works. If we all had the same strengths, we couldn't go to someone to get help. Holley says, "a strength is a personal characteristic that can be used on behalf of God in service to others." Wow. Think about what your strengths are. She lists a whole bunch. Can you find some in this list that suits you?
adventurous. athletic. brave. calm. capable. caring. cheerful. considerate. courageous. creative. dedicated. determined. devoted. easygoing. efficient. encouraging. energetic. fair. flexible. forgiving. friendly. frugal. funny. gentile. gracious. hardworking. helpful. honest. hospitable. imaginative. intelligent. kind. loving. loyal. mature. organized. positive. protective. reflective. reliable. resilient. resourceful. responsible. sensitive. servant-hearted. spontaneous. supportive. talented. thoughtful. trustworthy. warm. wise.
Not sure of any of these are strengths? Put them through the STRENGTH test:
Service-is this helping me serve God and others?
Time-has it been present throughout much of my life?
Energy-do others see this?
Natural-does this come naturally to me? Do I know God has intentionally developed this in me?
Glory-does God ultimately get the glory from it?
Trials-even in hard times, does it usually come through somehow?
Heart-does this really feel like a core part of who I am?
Some strengths that I believe I have from the list: calm. caring. considerate. creative. (shut up, they aren't all c words) determined. encouraging. forgiving. friendly. loving. loyal. protective. responsible. warm.
What strengths do you believe God has blessed you with? He has given these to us because we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" according to a Psalm. Of course, the opposite of strength is weakness but God has us covered there too! "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! We can rest in the fact that God provides us with weaknesses, too!
Since we have strengths that God gave us, that means God gave us skills too. Yes, Holley mentioned Napoleon Dynamite's skills scene. Yes, I laughed. Hard.
Anyway, like the strengths, I'll list off what she put in the book as skills. I wish I had some of these:
acting. adapting. administering. advising. analyzing. appreciating. assembling. believing. building. challenging. cleaning. collaborating. cooking. communicating. connecting. constructing. coordinating. counseling. creating. decorating. empathizing. encouraging. evaluating. expressing. growing. guiding. helping. imagining. influencing. leading. listening. maintaining. managing. motivating. negotiating. nurturing. organizing. preserving. persuading. planning. prioritizing. problem-solving. protecting. relating. responding. risk taking. serving. sharing. speaking. supporting. teaching. training. writing.
Oh, my skills. I think some of mine are analyzing, believing, challenging, communicating, encouraging, helping, leading, listening, planning, protecting, supporting, and writing. Look at how my skills reflect my strengths. Clearly, God has a plan for me! And for you! Out of those lists, what can you pull for you?
Now that you know what your strengths and skills are, Holley encouraged me to look at who I was called to help. Now, this is the part that gets me. As Mark so "lovingly" put it, to a complete stranger, I could care less about them but to someone who I know and love, I would do anything for. This is true...but...I get to know people very easily. Once I get to know them, I care for them. Once I care for them, I don't stop. So this whole "I feel especially drawn to...; God has given me a tender spot in my heart for..." thing didn't work out like I wanted. Yes, children were at the top of the list. It didn't stop at children though. It went on to young adults. And college students. And women. And families. This means I like to help everyone. I literally can't stop.
People tell me all the time I can't change the world. I can't change people. I can't do this, I can't do that. Friends, I'm here to tell you that if it's God's purpose and plan for my life, I can't stop it, even if I don't like the idea. (And trust me, there have been plenty of things that have happened that I haven't liked...) Stop listening to the can'ts and don'ts. God tells us that we are much more than that.
You're not likeable enough turns into you are much more than likeable...you are deeply loved!
You're not pretty enough turns into you are much more than pretty...you are wonderfully made!
"We are chosen, cherished, created to have all we need to fulfill God's plans for our lives. He has made us just as he wants us to be."
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
You're Already Amazing-Chapter One
A Heart-to-Heart Talk was a great opening to the book. It opened my eyes and I felt like I was sitting across from an old friend talking about life. Maybe it's because this book is what I need to read. Maybe it's because God is trying to use Holley's words to speak to me. Whatever it is, I've only read the first chapter and I love it. Sure, I'll probably hate something along the way but I usually don't like books when they smack me in the face and tell me something I've been hiding from.
The way Holley describes her friend's words, "Sometimes, I don't even like my life. And I feel so guilty because I'm so blessed" was beyond what I feel. She continues, "I try, I try so hard and I just fall further behind" describing her spiritual walk as a treadmill.
Holley describes God's thoughts as being similar to "Come to me. You are weary and burdened. I will give you rest." but often, it's hard to find rest in something that isn't tangible. When I need time to myself and to get away, I go for a drive. I go for a pedicure or a massage. I go for a cup of coffee. You know what these things have in common? Money.
Holley (I just realized I'm referring to her like she's my friend. Or that I actually know her. #awkward) tells another woman, "Yes, you matter. No one can take your place. god made just one you, and this worlds needs you just as you are." Can you please be my friend??? Or at least a mentor???
I think my favorite part o the chapter is where Holley wrote about pretending to have coffee with her. (see, little dreams do come true!). She said she'd tell me, "It's time you knew you're amazing! I mean, it's time you really know. And there's more: You're not only amazing, you're enough. You're beautiful. You're wanted. You're chosen. You're called. You've got what it takes...not just to survive but to change the world." Holy. Moly.
She goes on to tell me, as we casually drink our coffee and share in the sisterhood of Christ, that she's glad I'm not an "it girl" because God doesn't want what's hip at the moment; He wants what's his ALL THE TIME! Instead, I'm an "is girl". I can look in the mirror and tell the person looking back at me, "She is loved, accepted, and valued. She is created just the way God wants her to be." We have to go beyond what is on the surface. Look at some of the greatest people in the Bible. Not everyone was capable of talking to fire or building an arc or surviving living in a whale's belly. Not everyone can walk on water (and certainly not without having faith not to sink) or dying on a cross to cover the sins of God's people. Everyone is part of God's plan. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29.11 And within this plan, everyone has a special purpose. 1 Corinthians 12 tells us all about the body of Christ and how we each have a special part. Personally, I like to think that I'm something special like a thumb or somewhere close to the heart. I don't think I'd like to be a toenail but if being a toenail to Christ is important, I guess I'll take it. Even something as little and seemingly insignificant as a toenail is loved and blessed by Christ.
God takes the broken pieces of his people and makes them whole. He fuses these broken pieces back together with his grace and love and patience. We are all wrapped in the love and comfort of the Lord, dear friends.
I can't wait to continue to read how amazing I already am and to share the same great news with you.
The way Holley describes her friend's words, "Sometimes, I don't even like my life. And I feel so guilty because I'm so blessed" was beyond what I feel. She continues, "I try, I try so hard and I just fall further behind" describing her spiritual walk as a treadmill.
Holley describes God's thoughts as being similar to "Come to me. You are weary and burdened. I will give you rest." but often, it's hard to find rest in something that isn't tangible. When I need time to myself and to get away, I go for a drive. I go for a pedicure or a massage. I go for a cup of coffee. You know what these things have in common? Money.
Holley (I just realized I'm referring to her like she's my friend. Or that I actually know her. #awkward) tells another woman, "Yes, you matter. No one can take your place. god made just one you, and this worlds needs you just as you are." Can you please be my friend??? Or at least a mentor???
I think my favorite part o the chapter is where Holley wrote about pretending to have coffee with her. (see, little dreams do come true!). She said she'd tell me, "It's time you knew you're amazing! I mean, it's time you really know. And there's more: You're not only amazing, you're enough. You're beautiful. You're wanted. You're chosen. You're called. You've got what it takes...not just to survive but to change the world." Holy. Moly.
She goes on to tell me, as we casually drink our coffee and share in the sisterhood of Christ, that she's glad I'm not an "it girl" because God doesn't want what's hip at the moment; He wants what's his ALL THE TIME! Instead, I'm an "is girl". I can look in the mirror and tell the person looking back at me, "She is loved, accepted, and valued. She is created just the way God wants her to be." We have to go beyond what is on the surface. Look at some of the greatest people in the Bible. Not everyone was capable of talking to fire or building an arc or surviving living in a whale's belly. Not everyone can walk on water (and certainly not without having faith not to sink) or dying on a cross to cover the sins of God's people. Everyone is part of God's plan. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29.11 And within this plan, everyone has a special purpose. 1 Corinthians 12 tells us all about the body of Christ and how we each have a special part. Personally, I like to think that I'm something special like a thumb or somewhere close to the heart. I don't think I'd like to be a toenail but if being a toenail to Christ is important, I guess I'll take it. Even something as little and seemingly insignificant as a toenail is loved and blessed by Christ.
God takes the broken pieces of his people and makes them whole. He fuses these broken pieces back together with his grace and love and patience. We are all wrapped in the love and comfort of the Lord, dear friends.
I can't wait to continue to read how amazing I already am and to share the same great news with you.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Hey God, It's Me...
That's how I started a prayer tonight. As if I would be talking to anyone else deep within my heart. I talk to myself a lot but that's usually in my head.
I've been distant lately-falling away from someone who has been holding me in their hands the whole time. I can't run away from God. It's literally physically impossible to do. Look at all the people in the Bible who tried. Not even Jonah escaped our Father. And he was in a whale's belly.
I feel like Eve. I've been given a great life. I'm beyond blessed with a happy, healthy family, great friends, and the ability to know God. But I sinned. Bad. No, I didn't eat some fruit (although the local strawberries from Wegman's were delish) but a sin is a sin is a sin.
See, I have this problem. I desperately need to feel loved. It doesn't matter who this love is coming from or what I have to do. It's a caretaker instinct in me. I think that's why I love children so much-no matter what, they always need you to help, reach, hug, or love them. You can tell them no and put them in time-out and five minutes later, they're your best friend again, seeking a snuggle.
I found someone, or several, at school this past year that I could give that attention to. Yes, one was a sweet baby, but the others were perfectly fine with doing things on their own. One needed guidance in a class. I literally sacrificed my schoolwork time to help him. I poured hours and hours into personally mapping out plans, editing papers, explaining ideas, the list goes on and on. What did I get out of it? A thanks at the end of the year? Luckily, I walked away with a little more than that but the time I sacrificed can never be paid back.
That's not the bad part. That part of my blog makes me sound more like Jesus, without the complaining. No, it's the next part that makes me like Eve.
Last September, a guy gave me his attention at Homecoming. Yes, I was drunk and it was more like I took his attention-I don't think he really had a choice in the matter. Anyway, a week later, we went on a date. Then two dates. Then three. It goes on and on. He didn't even hold my hand until a month after our first date. Our first kiss wasn't until right before my birthday. He was a gentleman. Okay, it was because he was shy, but still, I loved the attention. Then, our dates turned into staying in. Over Christmas break, we slept together for the first time. Boy, did that open doors. For the entire spring semester, all we did was have sex. Yeah, we went out a couple times, but I spent more time in his bed than I did in mine.
I know the argument you might make. "The Bible is outdated. Who cares if you have sex before you're married or in a relationship. You have to know what you're getting into before you do." I've heard it all. The problem isn't the sex. The problem is why I was doing this.
For years, I've been completely insecure in who I am as a person. Whenever I bring it up, I always get the same answer from people. Why? You're loved by so many people! You are such a great person! You have so much going for you! But all that gets lost when you celebrate something fantastic with your roommate and her boyfriend, not one of your own.
Too many times, I've been friendzoned. Don't get me wrong-I love my boys. Mark, James, Chase, and Brad have provided far more care and love to me than I've ever deserved. But they're not boyfriends. I get hugs and support but sometimes, I just want someone to lay in bed and watch ESPN highlights with.
Again, I'm sure you're wondering why this is a problem. See, that problem is...I replaced a relationship with God with the one I had with the guy I was in bed with. Yeah, I still prayed and read my Bible. Worship music still calmed me down, but the intimacy I yearned for with Christ didn't feel like it was written across my soul. I was searching for someone who would make me feel good. Someone who would tell me I'm beautiful. Someone who would look at me and smile.
Friends, God does all of that. All. The. Time.
Today, I was in the Family Christian Bookstore and found a book by Holley Gerth called You're Already Amazing. I can't wait to dive into it and hopefully share its wonderful words with you here. I'm hoping you'll join me on this journey as I embrace who I am and learning to love the person that God sees as a reflection of Christ.
I've been distant lately-falling away from someone who has been holding me in their hands the whole time. I can't run away from God. It's literally physically impossible to do. Look at all the people in the Bible who tried. Not even Jonah escaped our Father. And he was in a whale's belly.
I feel like Eve. I've been given a great life. I'm beyond blessed with a happy, healthy family, great friends, and the ability to know God. But I sinned. Bad. No, I didn't eat some fruit (although the local strawberries from Wegman's were delish) but a sin is a sin is a sin.
See, I have this problem. I desperately need to feel loved. It doesn't matter who this love is coming from or what I have to do. It's a caretaker instinct in me. I think that's why I love children so much-no matter what, they always need you to help, reach, hug, or love them. You can tell them no and put them in time-out and five minutes later, they're your best friend again, seeking a snuggle.
I found someone, or several, at school this past year that I could give that attention to. Yes, one was a sweet baby, but the others were perfectly fine with doing things on their own. One needed guidance in a class. I literally sacrificed my schoolwork time to help him. I poured hours and hours into personally mapping out plans, editing papers, explaining ideas, the list goes on and on. What did I get out of it? A thanks at the end of the year? Luckily, I walked away with a little more than that but the time I sacrificed can never be paid back.
That's not the bad part. That part of my blog makes me sound more like Jesus, without the complaining. No, it's the next part that makes me like Eve.
Last September, a guy gave me his attention at Homecoming. Yes, I was drunk and it was more like I took his attention-I don't think he really had a choice in the matter. Anyway, a week later, we went on a date. Then two dates. Then three. It goes on and on. He didn't even hold my hand until a month after our first date. Our first kiss wasn't until right before my birthday. He was a gentleman. Okay, it was because he was shy, but still, I loved the attention. Then, our dates turned into staying in. Over Christmas break, we slept together for the first time. Boy, did that open doors. For the entire spring semester, all we did was have sex. Yeah, we went out a couple times, but I spent more time in his bed than I did in mine.
I know the argument you might make. "The Bible is outdated. Who cares if you have sex before you're married or in a relationship. You have to know what you're getting into before you do." I've heard it all. The problem isn't the sex. The problem is why I was doing this.
For years, I've been completely insecure in who I am as a person. Whenever I bring it up, I always get the same answer from people. Why? You're loved by so many people! You are such a great person! You have so much going for you! But all that gets lost when you celebrate something fantastic with your roommate and her boyfriend, not one of your own.
Too many times, I've been friendzoned. Don't get me wrong-I love my boys. Mark, James, Chase, and Brad have provided far more care and love to me than I've ever deserved. But they're not boyfriends. I get hugs and support but sometimes, I just want someone to lay in bed and watch ESPN highlights with.
Again, I'm sure you're wondering why this is a problem. See, that problem is...I replaced a relationship with God with the one I had with the guy I was in bed with. Yeah, I still prayed and read my Bible. Worship music still calmed me down, but the intimacy I yearned for with Christ didn't feel like it was written across my soul. I was searching for someone who would make me feel good. Someone who would tell me I'm beautiful. Someone who would look at me and smile.
Friends, God does all of that. All. The. Time.
Today, I was in the Family Christian Bookstore and found a book by Holley Gerth called You're Already Amazing. I can't wait to dive into it and hopefully share its wonderful words with you here. I'm hoping you'll join me on this journey as I embrace who I am and learning to love the person that God sees as a reflection of Christ.
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