God is so good...

...and works in mysterious ways. Sunday night, at Candle Light, I got a small bunch of flowers. They were beautiful. I was thrilled-I love when I get flowers. Fast forward to Monday night and these flowers had had no water, no care, and were slowly dying. Super sad. When I got back to Wise, I threw them in the grass, not wanting them anymore (and not wanting flower petals to be all over my car).





Fast forward some more...tonight. I walk into Bible Study at the Wesley and Beth tells me she put my flowers in a vase with some water. Why, I thought, they're dead. They're not. They're thriving. And beautiful. And healthy.





Literally, this thing was taken out of my hands and put back into the hands of God. He made them beautiful again. And brought me joy.





iDe Colores!

Forever Reign

This is one of my FAVORITE songs ever. I give it to everyone everywhere. Join with me in singing it, friends. Your day will be better!

You are good, You are good, when there's nothing good in me.
You are love, You are love, on display for all to see.
You are light, You are light, when the darkness closes in.
You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin.

You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling.
You are true, You are true, even in my wandering.
You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that I sing.
You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting.

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love, will always be enough.
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the world, forever reign.

You are more, You are more, than my words will ever say.
You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim.
You are here, You are here, in Your presence I'm made whole.
You are God, You are God, of all else I'm letting go.

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love, will always be enough.
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the world, forever reign.

My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus.

Oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.
The riches of Your love, will always be enough.
Nothing compares to Your embrace.
Light of the world, forever reign.

Listen to it now

2 Corinthians 5:16-20

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old one has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

Shouldn't I be on top of a mountain....

...since I left a retreat where I spent all weekend with God? Isn't that how it's suppose to go? Where's my Jesus high? Where's the urge to tell everyone CHRIST LOVES YOU! HE WILL SAVE YOU! HE DIED FOR YOU! YOU WILL BE SAVED!

It's in twenty four other girls...and not me. Don't get me wrong, I haven't given up on God or anything crazy like that. Christ died for my sins. I'm covered in Grace. That can't be taken away from me.

However...

There's a frustration in me. A hurt. A little pain in my heart that won't stop. It's not throbbing. It's like when I was little and I'd have a bruise. I'd always tell Mom, "It hurts when I poke it".
"Obviously, Em, don't do that," she'd say. My mother is a very wise woman.

Listening at send off yesterday to all the people sharing their joys, their stories of becoming closer to Christ, to seeing God's face, to having Jesus wink at them was a little discouraging.

They made us go up, table by table, and say what we learned. I didn't want to share. I was leaving hurt-questioning why I just spent 72 hours with people I didn't know and without my cell phone.

My table, the Table of Promise and Grace (ironic, right), went up. Courtney shared. Sabrina shared. Elizabeth didn't want to (and neither did I, really). Ashley was going to close us when I realized I was walking towards the microphone. what are you doing, I thought but God knew. Out of my mouth flowed these words about how I didn't really want to come this weekend and how I kept my guard up. Then I shared that I was leaving this weekend with questions. I wasn't on top of a mountain. Not exactly sure if I'm way down deep in a valley (I'm in there somewhere), but not anywhere near the top of the mountain. Then I put the microphone down and went to stand beside the rest of the girls who were all looking at me like what did you just do? I didn't get the shouting and clapping like those who had shared before me or those who would share after me.

I made my way back to my seat when I felt a squeeze on my shoulders. "Thank you for being honest with us" a voice said. I turned to see a lady sitting behind me. I gave her a weak smile then she said "Know we'll be praying for you to see the top soon."

Friends, my journal is full of hurt right now. But I know God still loves me. He works on His time. I know I'll see the top of the mountain soon, probably sooner than I think. Just know, it's okay not to be on the mountain all the time. There are gifts in the valley.