A reflection about being wrapped in God's grace

Psalm 121:7 “The LORD keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.”

The events of Wednesday night’s gunman hoax won’t soon leave the memories of students, especially those who live in Culbertson.

Wednesday night, I laid down for the evening around 8 pm. A little over an hour later, some loud yelling outside my window woke me up. I knew going to sleep early would mean the possibility to be woken up by students who had a bedtime far later than mine so I casually rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. It quickly became apparent to me that something what wrong when I heard a car come to a screeching halt outside and a man on a megaphone telling people to get back and go back into their dorms.

Now, for those of you who know me, the word dorm drives me absolutely insane. We live in residence halls in Wise and I often find myself correcting people who say otherwise. As I rolled over to peek out my window, my stomach turned to knots and my heart started to race.

10 police cars, from campus, to county, to state, were parked outside of Culbertson. Some were up on the sidewalk, some were blocking traffic. I noticed about 10 officers walking towards the building, carrying assault rifles and hand guns.

Immediately, I texted a friend who lives on the first floor.

What the heck is going on?

All I got back was a simple, “I don’t know but stay in your room.”

I took a few pictures on my phone and tweeted one. Not knowing fully what was going on, I just described the picture. It was almost immediately retweeted. Strange, I thought. There must be something more.

Then, the texts started to flood my phone. People were asking if I was okay. People wanted to know what was going on. I texted back I didn’t know but I would find out. I slowly went to my door and peeked through the peep hole. I saw officers walking the halls with guns. I decided not to open the door and figured it was a drug thing. I’m okay, I thought. I’m safe…well, kinda.

The knock at my door was soft. I opened it and talked to my suitemate.

“They’re looking for a man in sweatpants with a gun!” she said. “The police officer with a gun told me I had to get back inside. All I wanted to do was throw my trash away.”

My heart sank into my stomach. A man with a gun. I wasn’t as safe as I thought.

The first alert message came. “Hunker down; gunman on campus.”

A few phone calls and texts later, the second alert came.

“Lockdown continued. Alleged gunman on campus. Stay put! Lock all doors until further notice!”

I hid under my bed, covering myself with a blanket. I couldn’t help myself; I was shaking and crying. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and wake up, realizing this was only a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. I looked out my window again to see a kid walking away with a police officer.

I recognized the kid as someone who lived on my hall. I didn’t feel like he was someone I had to worry about since he wasn’t in handcuffs but I knew something was up. It was 18 degrees outside and he was wearing shorts, a t shirt, and sandals. I, again, returned under my bed until the next horrific action took place-this is where I really lost myself.

I heard a knock at the door. I crawled out from under my bed and was peeking through the peep hole when a flashlight shown on me from behind.

“Are you alone in here?”

The deep voice seemed to rattle and chill my bones. I couldn't turn around. I just stood there, frozen.

“Turn the light on. Are you alone?”

I flipped the light on and slowly turned around. A man was standing in my bathroom door way with a gun up. The sight of the assault rifle made hot tears sting my eyes. I shook my head yes. The police officer came in and lowered his gun.

“Has anyone told you what’s going on?” His eyes were kind but his stance was still stern. He was doing his job and even though I was terrified, I appreciated it.

A small, almost inaudible no sir came from me. It didn’t even sound like me.

The officer took a step towards me, looking under my bed to where I had been hiding. The looked up at me. He knew I was scared. He knew I had been under there.

“We’re looking for a man, grey sweatpants, masked. He has a gun. Have you seen him?” I shook my head no as he opened my closet.

“I know you’re scared,” the man said. “Stay put. Lock the door behind me. Turn off your lights and do not make any noise. Do you understand? Get under your bed and don’t make a sound.”

He didn’t wait for a response. As he cracked my door open, he yelled, coming out! Clear!

I held the door open for him and snuck a peak into the hall. Oh, how I wish I hadn’t.

There were five officers, including the one who had been in my room. They were all dressed with protection. They all had serious looks. The one across the hall who had his gun pointed at my door smiled a weak smile, almost to tell me it was going to be alright. I shut my door, locked it, and returned under my bed to hide.

After reassuring people I was okay, I heard the editor of our school’s newspaper was going to be on CNN covering what was happening. I crawled out from under my bed, turned the TV on, and set the volume on two, just so I could hardly hear it. As Jordan filled the CNN anchor in, a text came in that said this was all a hoax. Jordan said the same thing not 20 seconds later and CNN awkwardly cut to commercial. When they came back, nothing was said about UVa-Wise. Nothing was said to reassure people we were okay.

My mind was blown. The all clear message came at 11:00.

I’m not saying I’m mad about this happening. In fact, I’m grateful. I know that we are safe in case an emergency like this happens. I can be confident when I pass the police office that the people working inside know how to handle the situation that arises. I know that the students in Wise will listen and follow directions and not run around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. But mostly, I’m grateful that I serve an amazingly powerful God. How many prayers from across the world (literally) were sent up and asked to keep this campus and the people on it safe? How many people prayed for our God to show them a sign things were going to be alright? And He did…because that’s what God does.

Psalm 145: 19 says God shows favor to those who honor him, listening to their cries for help and saving them. 

How great is our God?

Made to Crave: 21 Day Challenge Day 3

Day 3 of 21: Excuse me, pass the shame...please.

How is your relationship with God? No, really. I'll be here after you sit and really think about that for a minute.

If you're like me, you answered Great! Perfect! I love God and He loves me...what could be better?

Umm...maybe your relationship with God?

If you're really honest with yourself, I'm sure you'll find that you could use a little work when it comes to talking to and relying on "the man upstairs".

How often do you think about things you shouldn't do?

Maybe I shouldn't ignore the fact my mother-in-law is calling me for the fifth day in a row. 

Maybe I shouldn't eat that third cookie.

Maybe I shouldn't have cut that guy off in traffic. 

You don't have to beat yourself up when you stumble and struggle with things. BUT how often are our friends there to help encourage that behavior?

You deserve a nice night out on the town with that guy. Who cares what happens?

It all seems like fun and games until you get that evil side glance from the lady you hardly know in church. You know, the one who saw you throwing up in the hotel bushes and flashing the people in the next car in your taxi that "nice night out on the town" you had?

We are called to be more than just humans walking around this earth. We're called to be the salt and light of the world. Does this mean you can't have fun? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But remember, you may possibly be the only Bible someone reads.

You might be thinking, "I'm good in every other area. Who cares if I want to go out and have a little fun. I'll do better tomorrow."

Ephesians 1:18-19 says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which God has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."

When we address our thinking and our behavior, we take a really crucial step towards permanent progress in any are and stopping the cycle of shame and defeat. The words, "I was made for more" will lead your life and help you not have to face waking up next to an ex hungover.

"We need strength greater than our taste buds, hormones, temptations, and our inborn female demand for chocolate. Yes, the truth of who we are and the power to live out that truth-that's what we need."

What about you, friend? Will you stand up and shout out "I was made for more"?

Made to Crave: 21 Day Challenge Day 2

Day 2: Overweight Physically and Underweight Spiritually

Whether you're physically healthy or not, if you are underweight spiritually, you are not leading a healthy life. (Here's something really exciting: you can NEVER be overweight spiritually!)

I like to think of myself as being an average Christian. I stumble and fall sometimes but I am caught in grace and God sets me back on the path. When I look back and see one set of footprints, I fell comforted instead of panicked.

Unfortunately, sometimes, I don't realize when God is carrying me.

As you may be aware if you have read some of my previous posts, I am...umm...stubborn. Ugh. Okay, I said it. Stubborn. Very, very stubborn. I am a control freak who has to have things my way. When I don't know what's coming next, I get scared. Really. I pretend to be all excited but when life throws me loops and I feel myself falling, I freak out and things aren't pretty.

However, tonight, I read Matthew 19:20-21. A man visits with Jesus and after telling him that he's following all the rules, he says he feels like something is missing. (Sound familiar, Emily. Guess what...you're the man in this story.) Jesus hits the guy with some Jesus knowledge and boom! the guy is blown away and disappointed.

So what did Jesus say to the guy?

"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

I wish this was a story with a happy ending. The man was very wealthy and sold everything. Poor people became rich and the man followed Jesus and lived happily ever after.

That's not life, friends. And I'm sad to say, I kinda feel like the man, minus the rich part.

The man was very sad when he heard what Jesus said and he went away sad.

To this, Jesus replied "Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."

Ouch, Jesus. That hurt. And while I'm not rich, I'm pretty well off. And, I have to admit, I have been known to put a five in the offering plate because my ten dollar bill was earmarked for a Chipotle burrito after church.

Jesus wants our commitment to him whether we are rich or poor. The disciples ask how it is possible for anyone to get into the kingdom of heaven if they must give everything up. To this, Jesus replies with one of my favorite phrases he said. With man, this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Going back to my burrito for a second, God made us capable of craving things. However, sometimes, we think that we're craving one thing when we're really craving another. That little twinge in my stomach when I know I could have put ten dollars in the offering plate? That's God saying you can do better. Our unquenchable desire can only be filled by Him.

Paul wrote in Ephesians: "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better."

God is far better than any Chipotle burrito. His work is far better than any food we can eat, any desire we can go after, anything we can imagine. So open your hearts to Him. Spend a little time worshiping Him while you're brushing your teeth or getting ready in the morning. You'll feel your spiritual self start to grow and I promise, you'll like the results.

Made to Crave: 21 Day Challenge Day 1

Day 1 of 21. The first line of my devotional says "Chocolate is my Comfort and Deliverer." 

How perfect is this study going to be for me?

Today was a challenge. It posed questions and made me think. 

Food-do we rely on it more than we rely on God? People may laugh but really think about it. Some of us go for a run when we're stressed out. Some of us read or listen to music. Personally, I like to drive. 

But.

Every once in a while, when I have a little extra cash in my pocket and I have had a really rough day, I indulge. 

Hello, China Garden? Yes, I'd like an order of sesame chicken, no onions with steamed rice. And an order of shrimp toast. Yes. Yes. See you in ten minutes. 

When Harry Met Sally, a bottle of wine, and half of my sesame chicken later, I wipe my tears away and crawl into bed to drift off to sleep, wondering why I ate so much.

This doesn't happen ridiculously often but it happens more than I'd like.

As a woman who loves Jesus, professes her faith to complete strangers, and believes in the power of prayer, why am I relying on sesame chicken, wine, and a few witty lines to help me through a rough spot?

This study gave me the definition of indulge as "unrestrained action". This is when it gets into the nitty gritty.

"I had to get honest enough to admit it that I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Chocolates were my comfort and deliverer. Cookies were my reward. Salty chips were my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness."

How sadly true is that last part? When you're stressed, you eat ice cream. When you're sad, you eat chocolate. When you're happy, you go out to dinner with your girlfriends and enjoy dessert. 

This study suggests a healthy eating plan can be one of the most significant spiritual journeys. While it's very, very hard to eat healthy in a cafeteria that literally had subs, mashed potatoes, stuffing, chicken, gravy, and french fries for lunch, you can practice portion control and, more importantly, focus on what you're feeding your soul. 

Pray for me, friends, as I will pray for you as you look at what you're feeding your soul. I'd love to pray for specifics if you need them. You can always shoot me an email. emandherfaith@gmail.com

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

A different type of prayer...

Where is your faith?

Are you praying to a God who just lives on a page in the Bible or to a God who is working in the world and moving mountains? Where is your faith?

These words haunt me. Seriously. I couldn't stop them from spinning around in my head last night.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
James 1:5-8

I think it's hard for people to imagine what it would be like if Jesus walked around today. He hung out with sinners. He did things people couldn't believe. He challenged and loved at the same time. 

How easy is it to forget to mention you're a Christian when people ask you to describe yourself in five words? How easy is it to forget to thank God when you've been sitting in traffic for over an hour and have only gone half a mile? How easy is it to joke around about people when they aren't there. 

Where is your faith in those places?

I was looking in the mirror last night, complaining about myself. I hate my hips. I hate my nose. I hate my eyebrows for being a little swollen from being waxed. I hate the dry skin on my cheeks. 

I should be seeing the wonderful person God has made when I look in the mirror. People should be able to see the light of God shine through my smile and hear it in my words. Don't be a refraction of God, be a reflection.

Ephesians 3 is so wonderful in describing what Paul tells the Gentiles about grace and God's plan. This plan is for you too, friend!

My goal for 2013 is to reflect Christ more. I honestly don't give God enough credit for the things He does in my life. Something that might seem little to you but was a miracle for me happened today. I drove back to Wise to start my last semester. For a few months, my check engine light has been coming on and going off. Coming on. Going off. There's literally nothing wrong with my car. Then, my headlight started doing the same thing. Then my windshield wiper decided to fly off. I collected it and put it back on but was still ridiculously weary about using it. Wise is quite a haul from Warrenton and I was beyond extremely nervous for my trek. I woke up to dense fog and rain. Great. I had to use my lights and wipers. 

Dad always checks my car out before I leave. I had been so nervous, I was making myself sick. I prayed and prayed for a safe journey. You know what? When I walked out, my headlights came on and stayed on the whole trip. My windshield wiper didn't fly off and worked perfectly. 

Okay, so I know these things are easy fixes with a little trip to Autozone but hey, I'm stubborn and honestly just forgot to do it. 

The point is, though, I honestly believe God was traveling with me. In fact, I know he was. He protected me from the camper that decided to swerve into my lane of traffic. He blew the fog away not long after I had left Warrenton. He kept me awake and alive. At one point, singing Cornerstone, I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the presence of God, I started to tear up. 

God is moving mountains and working in my life. It's little things that add up to the bigger joys. That's where my faith is. 

Where's yours?