I know I call my blog Beautifully Broken but I've discovered lately that I am terrified to be broken. Really.
Things that are broken aren't beautiful in the eyes of the world. Think about anything that's broken. Usually, it's tossed aside and replaced quickly. But God wants us to be broken.
And it's really tough.
How can I look into the mirror and see Jesus? The Bible says we're made in the image of Christ. I don't know about you but when I look in the mirror, I see everything that's wrong. I see the beginnings of wrinkles (yes, I do!). I see that pimple that's just about to ruin my day. I see crooked teeth and little ears. I see exactly where I need to lose a few pounds and where I should tone up. Christ was perfect. Flawless. Not broken.
I'm seekings, friends. I'm searching for truth. Lately, I've been hiding from God. It's hard to look in the mirror and see Christ. Sometimes, I don't.
Last weekend, I went to Divine Rhythm. It started out great. I was so excited to seek God. By Saturday night, I don't know what happened, but I was not in a good place. I left worship early. It physically hurt me to sing words of praise to God when I didn't know where He was. Surely, He was in that place, but not for me. I left crying. Sobbing. Hurting. I went back to my room and opened the Bible. I cried out, Please, God. Show me something. Anything. And I got nothing. It hurt so bad. I wanted to leave. Sunday, worship felt empty to me. I think more than anything, it scared me. How am I suppose to be a light for Christ if the light in me is dim? I can already feel this being a blind lead the blind situation.
A sweet friend told me if we can't share our worries with those we know will cover us in prayer, we certainly can't share them with people that will judge us for them. So friends, please-I'm begging you, cover me in prayer. Things are starting to get a little better but I'm still a very long way from where I need to be. (Although, the same sweet friend told me that from this, God is working in me and I'll do something great from it). I'm walking through a desert and it hurts.
I'm clinging to this song right now because I'm praying that one day, I'll be able to sing it with confidence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38XATchXJYI
